Pirates, Pirates, Everywhere
by lakariana
Summary: There's a ball in Storybrooke but not all the guests are welcome... time for Pirate Investigations to step in. A one shot in the continuing adventures of Pirate Investigations. You might be confused if you haven't read the previous stories.


**Author's Note:** I know I said I would post this in the middle of Rob a dub dub but in the end it didn't make sense to break that story up so here it is instead. Just a little fun one shot in the continuing Captain Charming adventure that is Pirate Investigations. I hope you all enjoy it.

 **Sort of a mild spoiler** in this but not really, the real spoiler is in the notes at the bottom and is labelled.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own Once Upon a Time or it's characters. I have only created this little universe with them. Further disclaimers at the end.

...

"Check in," David commanded.

"Check Sir," Mill Wheels' obedient voice sounded over the coms in his ear.

"Aye, check," Skylights said in a voice that sounded far less obedient.

"Check Mate," Hook whispered right in his ear. David jerked back in surprise and threw his partner a nasty look. The pirate captain only chuckled and sipped his champagne offering another glass to the prince.

"We're on the job Hook," David huffed.

"Indeed security for this new prince and princess's little ball and wasn't part of the brief that we remain discrete? _Blend in_?" He waved the tall flute at David, eyebrow raised. David shook his head and Hook downed the glass he was drinking so he could switch to the one he'd brought for his partner.

They had all dressed _old world_ for the party, as their clients had demanded, and David tugged on his tightly fitted gold jacket wishing he could have just worn a suit, as normal as his puffy sleeves had been in the Enchanted Forest he had felt really silly ordering orange juice from the waist coated staff at the open bar. Hook of course hadn't batted an eyelid while strutting around in his old heavy leather coat.

"How's it going with you Skylights?" David asked.

"So many pretty things to watch," the ex-pirate now liquor store owner and occasional support member for their detective agency said in a dreamy voice. "Just make sure the odd round of canapés swings my way and I'm in heaven." David frowned up at the gallery above them where the woman was positioned so she could view the entire ballroom.

"We're here to _protect_ people's jewellery remember," he warned. The maybe-not-so-ex-pirate hummed noncommittally down the com. "What about you Mill Wheels. Not too cold?"

"No sir, I'm fine. The wind is quite nice up here actually," the dog replied. David glanced up at the large glass ceiling skylight and the indiscriminate shadow he knew was the giant animal guarding the roof and outer walls. "I shall patrol again in a few minutes," he added. It really shouldn't be a surprise the monster dog was the most professional out of all of them. David turned his attention back to the ballroom and all the beautiful people in their beautiful clothes, dancing and drinking and eating fine foods.

"You miss it?" Hook asked. David sighed, the pirate was way too intuitive for his own good.

"I used to hate these," he admitted. "I always felt pressure to please my father, George, and after Snow I was always on display I guess. But there was one moment every ball, when the rest of the world would fade away except the beautiful happy person in your arms. I do miss that."

"I know the exact moment you mean," Hook smiled. "And you don't need a ball to achieve it. Emma and I can watch the tiny prince. You should take Snow out somewhere. Spend time just the two of you, away from it all."

"There's not much that's away from it all in Storybrooke," David sighed, trying to study the crowd for anything suspicious.

"You could use the Jolly Roger," Hook said. David turned his back on the crowd and focused on the pirate captain.

"Really?" he asked in amazement.

"I trust you Mate," Hook shrugged.

"And what are you two plotting," said a silky voice behind David.

"Maleficent," he gasped, trying to hide how much she'd surprised him. "Please tell me you got an invitation." The sorceress raised an eyebrow, wondering what he would do about it if she hadn't.

"Yes," she said. "I did. It was rather strange, Lily and I didn't know what to do with ourselves at first." David looked over to the punch table where the other dragon was getting a drink. Both women were dressed in layered black gowns that caught the light and shimmered like crude oil. Lily's dress was a less extravagant version of her mother's, the shoulder pads and massive collar were absent for one, but she still looked uncomfortable, secluding herself near the drinks table and casting wary eyes around.

"I'm glad you both could make it," David said sincerely. He knew some injuries never healed but he also knew that though things might not be forgotten or forgiven, it was possible to move on with life. He really hoped Maleficent and Lily had a great future together in Storybrooke. The older woman got the message and although she didn't smile at him she nodded gracefully and returned to her daughter.

A distant ringing bell echoed over the ballroom and a few of the guests looked up in surprise.

"Hey it's midnight," Skylights announced over the com.

"Is something supposed to happen now?" David asked running through the schedule in his head.

"We start earning time and a half," Mill Wheels answered happily. David sighed heavily.

There was a ripple of hushed excitement through the crowd and David looked up to see the latest prince and princess of Storybrooke ascend onto their temporary scaffold stage at the front of the room. He gave Hook a nod and the two investigators split as they each took up position on opposite sides of the large hall.

"Ladies and gentlemen," the new prince announced solemnly into a microphone. "Thank you so much for attending our ball. My mother, the Queen, and I are humbled by your presence here tonight."

"He doesn't sound very humble," Skylights noted.

"Like the way he said _the_ _Queen?_ Should we explain to him there's nothing special about the title in Storybrooke?" Hook replied.

"Hush," David scolded. "Concentrate."

"When we lost our kingdom we feared we had lost our chance at happiness," the prince continued. "And then finding ourselves in the Land of Untold Stories we began to lose all hope. But it just goes to show you that even the darkest paths can lead you to the light. If we hadn't been in that land we would never have come here and if we hadn't come here I never would have met my bride." He held out his hand behind him like a stage magician and a timid looking girl stepped forward and took it. He brought her further forward to stand next him a broad smile on his face. "It is my utmost pleasure to announce your new princess, Princess Penelope."

The crowd clapped obediently even as quite a few of the guests exchanged bemused smiles at the overly pompous prince. Hey, who were they to turn their nose up at free food and drinks. Any excuse for a party was a good excuse.

"I thought she came from Untold Story too," Mill Wheels asked, showing even he wasn't immune to gossip when on the job.

"Yeah," David said, his eyes constantly scanning the crowd as he spoke. "But they met here. She sat on a pea."

"Pardon Mate?" Hook asked.

"It's an old traditional way to find a true princess," David said with a shrug. "I think it's been abandoned by most royals."

"I'm suddenly glad none of us can be considered traditional anymore," Hook said, his laugh audible over the com.

"Blue scarf and cape, eighty degrees, by the flowers Captain," Skylights suddenly reported in a professional tone David hadn't known she was capable of.

"Aye, I got him Skylights," he heard Hook answer. David leaned up onto his toes trying to see the pirate captain and his target.

"Moving towards you now David," Skylights said. "He's just nicked a bracelet off a lady in a large purple gown. Very smooth lift. Must be a professional."

David saw the lady and her _very_ large gown before he saw the person Skylights had noticed. He had on a sort of turban made of a bright blue material which also wrapped around his face hiding everything but his eyes. A matching shiny blue cape floated behind him and clasped around the neck of an otherwise simple looking pale cream shirt and baggy trousers underneath. In any other setting he'd look ridiculous but amongst the over the top finery in this crowd he almost looked under dressed.

The man in blue hadn't realised he'd been spotted and David watched him skilfully dip his hand into the pocket of a knight as he brushed lightly past him. A dark shape slipped through the crowd over the thief's shoulder and David moved to mirror his partner's path, simultaneously closing in and blocking off any escape to the hall's main door.

The pompous prince was still droning on in the background and they were within feet of the thief when the figure became aware of them. His head moved sharply between the two investigators and his rapidly diminishing exit routes. Then a yell went up near the back of the crowd, someone must have noticed their jewels were missing. Another shout sounded further round the room and then everyone was checking themselves, more shouts springing up behind them.

"Stand back!" David yelled over the noise, making it clear exactly who he was after by pointing right at the man in blue. The crowd parted like the Red Sea and the thief suddenly found himself exposed and very much the centre of attention. Hook was just within reach when the mysterious figure threw something at the ground that exploded into clouds of magic and propelled him up into the air like a rocket. Hook was coughing and rubbing his eyes as David reached him and they looked up in time to see the thief curl his head down and smash through the glass ceiling in a shower of broken shards, straight into the wide open waiting jaws of Mill Wheels.

The entire ballroom heard the scream, imaginations running wild as they hid their faces from the rain of sparkling glass shards.

"Well," Maleficent remarked from somewhere near David. "I thought tonight was going to be frightfully dull but I must compliment their highnesses on the excellent show."

David and Hook risked looking up as the last fragments of glass shattered on the ground and saw the thief hanging limply from his cape which was caught tightly in Mill Wheels' mouth as he dangled over the broken skylight. The dog gave him a little shake and the figure's hands grabbed his collar in fright, desperate not to plummet back to the ballroom floor.

"Maleficent, could I ask you bring them down here before he chips one of my first mate's teeth?" Hook asked the sorceress.

"Fine," she sighed and waved her hand, her staff appearing from nowhere. She tapped the end sharply onto the ground admitting a puff of sparks which cleared to reveal Hook's giant dog standing before them, the thief's cape and attached thief still in his mouth.

"Thank you mi'lady," Hook said bowing his head. Maleficent nodded, a small smile revealing how much she was enjoying herself. "Mill Wheels, good job. Let's see who this is then." He pulled the scarf from around the thief's face and burst out laughing. "Bloody Sinbad!" he exclaimed.

"Hello Hook," the man replied begrudgingly. "What's with the monster?"

The thief was about David's age, if he had to guess, and surprisingly smart and clean looking, with deeply tanned skin, a neatly trimmed goatee and bright sharp eyes. He was also way too relaxed considering the position he was in and David heard his internal alarm bells ringing. This guy was going to be trouble.

"This is my first mate Mr Mill Wheels and you'll do well to be polite or it'll be your nethers he's holding onto next," Hook replied with a warning huff of agreement from Mill Wheels.

"You know him? He another pirate?" David asked as he searched the thief's clothes for weapons and the missing jewellery.

"Oh no, Captain Sinbad's far too good to be referred to as a _pirate._ He's a sailor...who steals things."

"Sounds like a pirate," David commented, pocketing a fancy curved dagger and handing out the jewels to their rightful owners.

"Doesn't it," Hook agreed with a smirk.

"No it doesn't," Sinbad replied stiffly, tugging on his cape and getting a sharp yank back from Mill Wheels.

The crowd's excited muttering had merged together around them so David could only hear the odd word out of the muffled din. Looking up he saw their client's horrified face up on the stage and winced a little in sympathy. At least everyone would be talking about this party for a while.

"Right," He announced to the crowd, deciding it was past time they stopped being the centre of attention. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Pirate Investigations apologise for the disruption to the festivities. I'm sure your hosts will have everything cleared up soon. If you don't mind we shall take this gentleman to the Sheriff, any further complaints can be taken there." He grabbed one arm while Hook took the other and they frog marched Sinbad with some difficulty through the gawping crowd of fancy dressed onlookers. As they reached the door to the hall's atrium a clapping and then cheering started which followed them outside until the doors to the main hall closed. Hook got David's attention over their prisoner's head.

"This must have done our public relations some good. Maybe I'll leave a pile of our business cards somewhere," he whispered.

"I know you're joking but that's a good idea," the prince replied.

"Look at that! It really is Captain Sinbad," Skylights exclaimed as she jogged down the steps from the gallery to join them. She'd worn a long layered fishtail dress with an orange sash slung around her hips and her usual over abundance of gold jewellery. Hook laughed as his crew mate made a show of peering curiously at the captured sailor, who resolutely ignored her.

"I've rung the Sheriff's Office Captain. Does this mean we can be released from service for tonight?" she continued. "I have someone who's requesting my attention." She gestured over her shoulder to a large man in a smart black tuxedo who waggled his eyebrows back at her.

"You were supposed to be working not flirting," David grumbled even as Hook granted his permission.

"I didn't flirt. I didn't need to," came the cocky reply and with a flash of grinning teeth she was gone.

Not for the first time David wondered how he'd ended up surrounded by pirates. Snow kept teasing him by saying he should just give in and wear an eye patch to work. It was probably partly his own fault for insisting on their agency's name. They manhandled Sinbad outside to the main steps and onto the sidewalk to wait for Emma or Mulan, Mill Wheels still holding onto his cape like they were enacting opposites day.

"Wait up Mate. We'll guard the blighter, you head back in," Hook said, suddenly placing his hand against his partner's chest to stop him moving any further.

"What for? The party'll be over now," David replied pushing the hand away.

"I think you underestimate the higher classes and there seems to be someone waiting for you," Hook said with a smirk. He nodded behind David and the prince turned, his frown of confusion dropping away as he saw his wife waiting at the top of the stairs in a beautiful pale blue dress.

"I'll take that silence as a compliment shall I?" Snow White asked, laughing at his stunned expression.

"Yes. Yes you should. What are you doing here?" David asked.

"My fairy godpirate called and said a lonely prince was waiting for a princess to dance with him. You know I can't stand the thought of someone suffering," she teased. David looked back over his shoulder at the intensely smug looking pirate. Damn it, the guy was a good friend. Who'd have thought? The answer to that question pulled her car up behind Hook and David felt a smile of his own sweep across his face. He held out his elbow and felt all tension leave his shoulders as Snow slipped her arm around his.

"My lady, may I have this dance?" he asked with all the formality King George had imposed on him.

"Why of course kind sir," she smiled, and they disappeared into the ballroom.

"Hook," Emma greeted smiling. "They look happy." Her gratitude was evident in her tone and Hook wasn't going to embarrass her by drawing attention to it.

"Ah Swan, I have gift for you," he nodded to Mill Wheels who yanked the thief into the light. "A nefarious thief all wrapped up nicely." Emma laughed.

"You always know how to impress a girl," she said clicking her handcuffs around the Sinbad's wrists and giving Mill Wheels a scratch on the head as he finally released the man's cape. The dog shuddered in pleasure as her fingers rubbed into his fur, which earned a deep frown from his captain.

"Alright Mill Wheels, you are released. Have a good night," he said gruffly to his crew mate. He pulled off the clip that was holding the dog's earpiece to his fur slightly too sharply but the big dog didn't seem to notice, his mouth opening into his best imitation of a smile.

"Thanking you kindly Captain, I've been wanting to try those canapé things," he said and bounded back up to the ballroom.

"That'll be interesting for everyone inside," Emma commented as she shoved the grumbling thieving sailor into the back of the sedan.

"Nah, they think he's a hero," Hook said. "And you're mine." He snaked an arm around her waist and tugged her towards him eliciting a giggle he promptly smothered with his lips. They kissed under the starlight as the music inside the ballroom started up and floated down to them.

"Oi, can we get to the brig? I'm feeling nauseous," Sinbad yelled from inside the car.

"Buggering hell."

"Ignore him."

…..

 **Author's Notes and disclaimers:**

Note 1. I am pretty sure the opening and possibly the plot is stolen from Republic of Doyle but I couldn't find the episode.

Note 2. Does everyone remember the old reason the bad fairy (Maleficent) cursed _Sleeping Beauty_ was because she didn't get invited to a party? I thought I'd make a little joke about that. Did you get it?

Note 3. The pompous prince and timid princess are from _the princess and the pea_ fairy tale. A story that has been eternally ruined for me by HISHE's version of the story on You Tube. Look it up and show it to your daughters.

Note 4. **Spoiler**

Are we buying that it's Sinbad on the casting call? I kinda hope not, in a funny way I don't think he fits in with the rest of Once. Maybe I love the old movies too much?

But it was good I found the spoiler because I really umed and ahed about who our thief should be. It was nearly Will Scarlet but I felt bad enough for him already. I hope he gets some resolution next series.

Sinbad the Sailor is another of Scheherazade's tales from _1001 Arabian Nights_ and has been adapted in loads of shows and movies. He has many adventures involving treasure and magic and princesses. This one is probably a mix of the Sky TV series and the Brad Pitt animated movie.

Note 5. The title is taken from _The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner_ By Samuel Coleridge. The proper quote goes:

 _"Water, water, everywhere,_  
 _And all the boards did shrink;_  
 _Water, water, everywhere,_  
 _Nor any drop to drink."_

It's often misquoted as: _Water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink_ and refers to being lost at sea. I thought it described Charming's situation, with his pirate teammates and lack of refreshment, nicely.

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this whole series. I should _really_ get on with revising now. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought, I really look forward to reading your opinions, they make my day.


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